Greetings ladies and aliens. I thought I would try something different with this post. I want to do my best late night TV impersonation and create a top five list. Don't be concerned my friends, this is DVJ we're talking about. This will not be your run-of-the-mill Top Five List.
The list is based on five "outside-the-box" concepts/ideas aliens like to think about in regards to women. My goal is to provide some insight into our ever-changing thought processes. Of course I am only one alien, and my thoughts are only representative of the few martians that think like I do.
Pistolera my dear, rather than comment directly on my list, I would love to see you generate a top five list of your own. That way we're not only educating ourselves but our faithful readers.
Top Five Thoughts Aliens Have About Women (in no particular order)
1. In order to understand aliens, women should walk a mile in our shoes; literally. Go out and buy some men's shoes and walk around in them for a week or so. You'll be surprised on what you find out.
2. More ladies should accompany aliens to a gentleman's club for an evening of fun and entertainment. Trust us ladies, it's really an educational experience! Or, if a gentleman's club is too much, every woman should go on a bar crawl and just listen to alien conversations.
3. Ladies should be more vocal about how they would like to be treated instead of assuming an alien will figure it out. Things aren't like they were when our parents were growing up. New environment equals new rules. Don't worry; we'll learn after awhile.
4. I wish someone would create a wine bar where all the TVs showed nothing but programs men deny watching by themselves but everyone knows they watch when they're around women. That my friends, would become the biggest pickup spot known to mankind. I promise you!
5. I would create a holiday that would be solely for the good guys out there. Not the nice guys mind you but for the aliens who seem to have that perfect mix that ladies seem to love. I would call it Gentleman's day. Ladies would have to give each Gentleman they know a present.
So there you have it. My first list. Pistolera, do your worst. Remember, these are not the droids you're looking for.
-DVJ
Fine, I accept your challenge.
Top Five Thoughts Pistolera Has About Men Folk
1. Put some thought into how you look. Clothes are not only for girls, and the men who look sharp get more attention from women. Pay attention to the men you admire and see how they put an outfit together. Buy quality clothing and go to a tailor. No woman wants to date the eternal frat boy. Please, I beg you: pay some attention to your appearance.
2. Respect women and don't always be suspicious of their motives. Now, sometimes there are reasons to be suspicious, but unless you're (a) a professional athlete or (b) dating women who have nothing going for them, you do not need to worry about them being "golddiggers." Most likely, you don't have that kind of money, and she has a brain and earning potential of her own. Men who are suspicious of women just don't like them! I find it insulting that any man would assume I need him to "support" me and am interested in his money (obviously, the men who think this have nothing else going for them). This attitude immediately turns me off. But, let's not take this too far. Plan a date -- a thoughtful one, not just dinner at McDonald's -- and pay, always. Ladies are looking for romance, not "hey buddy, let's split a beer."
3. Why can't you communicate? Stop playing games and telling us what you think we want to hear. Tell it to us straight -- whether you like us or not, what you want, etc. We can take it; we're big girls! (And I understand that sometimes you don't know -- just like we don't -- but that can't be all of the time!)
4. Be exciting and spontaneous. Dazzle your intended. Make her feel like you did when you went to Disneyland as a kid and saw Mickey Mouse in person for the first time. Women get bored just as quickly as men do, and there is nothing interesting about routine. I know you feel like you can let down your guard in a relationship and no longer put in the effort, but try a new restaurant, get away for the weekend, go to a wine tasting, or visit a museum. Find something new to do at least once a week (that's nothing fellas!).
5. Hey, DVJ, if you can find enough Gentlemen to have a whole holiday, I'll go in on it with you! We know I'm a fan of gentlemen. Great idea (rare as it is for you).
-- Fondly, Pistolera
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