Men will list lots of qualities they desire in their ideal woman -- especially those who are themselves successful -- but when it comes down to it, one quality I have noticed will put a woman ahead of all the rest, and that will never be on that list, is stroking his ego. The woman may be successful and ambitious and everything else, but he still wants her to gaze at him in awe of his accomplishments. And interestingly, those men who you would think are the most secure based on appearance and accomplishments require this treatment the most.
As someone who is not easily impressed -- and finds it hard to offer compliments that are not genuinely felt -- I am not very good at this. And, as much as men enjoy the challenge and the chase with me initially, they require a balancing of ego-stroking that I can't provide in that beginning phase, as much as they try to get that kind of attention from me. Once I know them, I will do it when they deserve it, but even then, my compliments aren't thrown around willy nilly.
As women, we understand the desire to feel worshipped -- or at least, appreciated -- but this is different, if only because it requires the woman to bow down in deference to the man, something women have fought so hard to overcome in the past few decades. It goes beyond simply appreciating the man; men can be especially needy in this regard. I have had men argue with me, trying to convince me of how great they are, waiting for me to have an "epiphany" and realize I should be stroking their egos.
Furthermore, men are willing to "trade down" to a woman who does not have all of their desired qualities if she thinks they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. (I'm not saying that some of this isn't necessary to actually be in a successful relationship -- after all, you have to believe the person you're with is better than the other options or you won't choose them.)
Studies say the more successful a woman, the lower her chances of getting married and having children. And plenty of successful men select "trophy wives" over their intellectual and socioeconomic counterparts. Is it because successful women can't give them the attention they so desperately desire?
Do women need to be more doting to be successful in dating and love? Or is this only a certain type of (insecure) man that we should happily pass by?
Let us know DVJ.
-- Pistolera
Interesting question she-devil. Do women need to be more doting to be successful in dating and love? I understand the need for generalizations in life but don't think they really work when matters of the heart apply.
So let's try to look at both sides of the picture. On one hand, I could make the argument that men don't like to have their egos stroked; rather, they just want an indication that you enjoy their presence. If you deny them that initial indication, they will still pursue because let's face it, women have the "goods," and it's an alien's job to acquire them. But, the more you have conversations with this lady and she doesn't give you the slightest affirmation that you're on the right path, the more likely that alien is to blow up at the girl at the most random moment with a speech that starts with "do you know how awesome I am" and then proceed to pursue a woman who isn't as hard a catch. Instead, a simple pat on the back in the very beginning could have gone a long way. I get what your most likely response to that logic would be: lame, weak, stupid.
Another side I could take would be, "of course men love to have their egos stroked!" We're men; it's only natural that we want some credit for the hard work we put in day in and day out. We rule the Earth; if this woman doesn't want to give me my proper due, there are hundreds, I mean millions of other woman out there. I understand the flaws in this line of reasoning. But then again, I hope you start to see my point.
We could go on and on and on with theory after theory after theory. This question is less about women being more doting and more about men and women being more truthful in what they want upon meeting each other. Now, a person can't just flat out start a conversation by saying, "Hello, my name is Alien, and I want my ass kissed 24/7." However, if that same alien can put a lady in a situation where she feels inclined to give compliments without her realizing it, then that's classic courtship. That can only happen when you make the right connection. As the saying goes, different strokes for different folks.
So successful ladies, you can have everything you want in a relationship. Just don't waste your time with people who obviously don't share your thoughts. What you'll find is that those are the people who will need their ego stroked because they are playing the whole game wrong.
And you trophy wives out there: don't let pistolera get to you. We'll go beat her up on our way to go get you some new Giuseppe Zanotti's -- whatever those are?!
Shout out to my homey Chewbacca, and I'm out!
DVJ
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