He's Just Not That Into You...or Is He?

So how do you know when a man is into you?  I've always operated under the assumption that a man is "just not that into" me until he shows -- with extensive effort -- that he is.  (And even before He's Just Not That Into You became a widely used statement, I operated under these assumptions.) Most women start from the other side of the spectrum, assuming any man that meets her will automatically realize he can't live without her -- well, they're hoping at least.  I'm not nearly that delusional.  Not to say that I'm not a great catch.  I have been fortunate in my dating life and have plenty of experiences that say that I am.  Nonetheless, I'm not under the impression that I will satisfy the whims of every man.  There are a lot of factors at play there.

So, all that being said, are there certain things a man will do that let you know that he's definitely interested?  I've always thought there were specific signs that would show you were getting there, if not there already -- he calls you (because we know men, like me, never pick up the phone), often just because; he readily makes plans, not weeks into the future, but as soon as possible; and he takes into consideration the things you've told him you like or have been wanting to do.  If a man doesn't do these basic yet explicit things, he's either emotionally unavailable or just not that into me.  For a man who is interested, the things that may otherwise constitute "effort" become effortless.

But, what does it mean when the signs aren't so clear?  Does that man just want to keep you on hold, ie he's emotionally unavailable, or is he not into you? (These may be the same, by the way.)

I am not that concerned because my natural assumption is that he's not interested; I am notoriously oblivious to a man's interest.  I don't have time to be bothered by the whims of the male species, but once in a while, we all wonder, what are they thinking?  Darth, all yours.

-- an overthinking Pistolera

First off, please address me as Mr. Vader or your royal Evilship, whichever works best for you.

So I tried to put a lot of thought into this reply.  I was coming up with different theories, strategies, explanations, all bent on exploring the thought process of men.  Then it hit me: it's really not that complicated. I mean, we are talking about men here. The key to our happiness is simple. I think a comedian put it best one time: fix me a sandwich, look sexy, and don't talk too much. Ha.

Pistolera, my dear evil agent, the answer to your question is simple.  If you have to ask that question, then the answer is usually no.  People's intuition on this subject is usually spot on.  But I'll let you in on a little secret: by definition, men are option traders at heart.  We are never going to let a free call option slip through our fingertips. Think of it this way ladies: when that guy does change his mind you can relate to the great southern poet know as Mike Jones...

Back then girls didn't want me / now I'm hot / girls all on me
Back then girls didn't want me / now I'm hot / girls all on me / I SAID
Back then girls didn't want me / now I'm hot / girls all on me
Back then girls didn't want me / now I'm hot / girls all on me / I SAID


But this simple fact about men brings up an important question.  Ladies, when we do start showing you that attention, will you reciprocate? I hate to admit it, but I kind of agree with pistolera's strategy (somewhere a baby unicorn just died; I have just sided with pure evil).  Unless a guy is clear with his intentions, don't even worry your pretty little bunda over him.  Trust me, when he's really into you, you will know.  And if not, by definition, another dude is just around the corner!

-Darth Vader Jr.