The ranting of an alien life form obsessed with the drug known as the human female...
This is my first lead post, so I want to ask some questions I’ve always had regarding the ladies. Let me know your thoughts. I’m sure Pistolera will let me know hers.
- What’s up with the obsession with shoes? I mean I get they might look nice, but other than that it’s nothing more than a comfort thing. I’ve seen many ladies falling over trying to wear those 12 inch heels (maybe they’re 12, maybe less, I can’t tell…)
- Why is it customary for guys to pay for first dates? I thought this was the century of the woman? A guy should be able to go on date with a beautiful woman and have her pay for a nice steak. I mean, we know what that means after the date and we’re happy to oblige (unless of course any sporting event is on)!
- I know I’ll get in trouble for this question but I’ll ask it anyway, what is the female equivalent for the television event known as the Superbowl? I know there are some ladies who love football but a meaningful percentage do not.
- So I get that ladies don’t like men who think they own them if they buy them a drink at the club. What if this person buys you a bottle and it is not your birthday. I think for a bottle they deserve at least one slow song, preferably by R. Kelly or R. Kelly Jr. aka Trey Songz.
- Last but not least, I think we all know the human female is a complicated animal, what is the key to keeping her happy?
Live long and prosper. Ninja smoke, I’m gone…
- Darth Vader Jr.
This is why men should never be allowed to lead anything, but here we go:
1. Shoes make any outfit look good. It should come as no surprise that women often have self-esteem issues (that is, women other than yours truly), and with shoes, women don't have to worry about fit or looking fat or the right color for their skin tone. Shoes are easy, and they can make even the most boring outfit interesting (we know you all like the sexy secretary look, men, so I know you understand me!) Plus, I don't wear shoes that aren't comfortable. I need to be able to walk in my heels, maybe even run. Now, I understand my pain tolerance may be higher than most's, but still. And, women are not just obsessed with heels, dear Darth. See: Uggs, ie a fashion obsession for no reason (I just threw up thinking about them, but you know girls who can't live without them and got all excited when the Jimmy Choo ones came out -- not even Tamara Mellon could save those dreadful foot mittens.)
2. A man is supposed to be able to provide for a woman (regardless of what century it is). It's not only customary for the man to pay for the first date, but I'd say he should pay for most of them. And it does not mean anything more than you are having dinner, and it is a date -- unless you're dating a cave man. It doesn't mean the woman wants your money (hey, she may even make more than you, which is also becoming the usual these days), but it does show you want to be there. And every woman wants to know you're interested -- and no, your being there is not enough to show that. If I pay, it's not a date, plain and simple. In fact, once I start paying, I'm not "dating" you anymore; we're hanging out. And boys, you do not want to be "hanging out" with a woman you're interested in. Be a gentleman and pay, or stay home -- alone.
3. Women don't have just one event, so this is a tough one. And I'm not your typical female, so it's tough for me too. Maybe the Victoria's Secret fashion show? But hey, I don't see any guy saying no to watching that! But really, TV is a man thing. I don't base my life around TV programming -- B-O-R-I-N-G!
4. If they want to buy a bottle, that's their prerogative. They'll still get R. Kelly, aka Coke and a smile...ok maybe not Coke. But this brings me to another point, which is that men have it all wrong. Say something to a woman; be interesting. A man who can carry a conversation will have to buy a lot less than a dull man (unfortunately, even the dullest man thinks he's interesting and some desperate female has probably reinforced that delusion, so this is an uphill battle, I know).
5. Just like a man to want one magic key. There is no trick. Listen, pay attention, and act like she is the only woman in the world (hey, a lot of womanizers are able to do this -- that's how they get so many women and are able to keep them interested even though they may be sleazebags!). Don't be a jerk; don't be cheap; and keep it interesting. We're not asking for much!
--Love always, Pistolera
This is why men should never be allowed to lead anything, but here we go:
1. Shoes make any outfit look good. It should come as no surprise that women often have self-esteem issues (that is, women other than yours truly), and with shoes, women don't have to worry about fit or looking fat or the right color for their skin tone. Shoes are easy, and they can make even the most boring outfit interesting (we know you all like the sexy secretary look, men, so I know you understand me!) Plus, I don't wear shoes that aren't comfortable. I need to be able to walk in my heels, maybe even run. Now, I understand my pain tolerance may be higher than most's, but still. And, women are not just obsessed with heels, dear Darth. See: Uggs, ie a fashion obsession for no reason (I just threw up thinking about them, but you know girls who can't live without them and got all excited when the Jimmy Choo ones came out -- not even Tamara Mellon could save those dreadful foot mittens.)
2. A man is supposed to be able to provide for a woman (regardless of what century it is). It's not only customary for the man to pay for the first date, but I'd say he should pay for most of them. And it does not mean anything more than you are having dinner, and it is a date -- unless you're dating a cave man. It doesn't mean the woman wants your money (hey, she may even make more than you, which is also becoming the usual these days), but it does show you want to be there. And every woman wants to know you're interested -- and no, your being there is not enough to show that. If I pay, it's not a date, plain and simple. In fact, once I start paying, I'm not "dating" you anymore; we're hanging out. And boys, you do not want to be "hanging out" with a woman you're interested in. Be a gentleman and pay, or stay home -- alone.
3. Women don't have just one event, so this is a tough one. And I'm not your typical female, so it's tough for me too. Maybe the Victoria's Secret fashion show? But hey, I don't see any guy saying no to watching that! But really, TV is a man thing. I don't base my life around TV programming -- B-O-R-I-N-G!
4. If they want to buy a bottle, that's their prerogative. They'll still get R. Kelly, aka Coke and a smile...ok maybe not Coke. But this brings me to another point, which is that men have it all wrong. Say something to a woman; be interesting. A man who can carry a conversation will have to buy a lot less than a dull man (unfortunately, even the dullest man thinks he's interesting and some desperate female has probably reinforced that delusion, so this is an uphill battle, I know).
5. Just like a man to want one magic key. There is no trick. Listen, pay attention, and act like she is the only woman in the world (hey, a lot of womanizers are able to do this -- that's how they get so many women and are able to keep them interested even though they may be sleazebags!). Don't be a jerk; don't be cheap; and keep it interesting. We're not asking for much!
--Love always, Pistolera
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