I know this is one that confuses you men: women now earn as much (if not more than you), are more educated, and can do pretty much anything on their own, yet we still expect you to ask us out, pay for dates, and generally pursue us. Why do the old rules still apply?
There are a number of reasons. The first is that women still like to be treated like they matter. If the man is not acting as if he is courting her, she may as well be hanging out with her friends -- male or female. The second is related to the first: there has to be some way to distinguish a date from casual social interaction in a world in which women and men can, in fact, be platonic friends (we can save that discussion for a future post by Darth because I know he has a lot to say about this). The third is that women still value chivalry, in the same way we value education, ambition, a sense of humor, etc -- as essential to being a man. Furthermore, in a mannerless world, men who have gentlemanly manners stick out. And men, you want to be memorable!
Now, does following these old rules have implications for other parts of women's lives? Women Don't Ask addresses the societal and cultural forces that make women less willing to negotiate in both personal and professional contexts. The author states that women are conditioned not to ask for what they want but rather to expect that they will receive it. At work, women expect they will be promoted and rewarded simply because they work hard -- while men who ask for the promotion or raise get it first.
In the dating context, we would expect that waiting for men to ask us out would put some of us at a disadvantage, with the women who ask getting the men first. I don't think that's true, only because there are things that women can do to ensure they get the man they want, and he asks them out: show some interest and flirt a little but don't seem desperate. In addition, men are often put off by a woman who pursues them: they want what they can't have and that is an illusive woman with many other options who is "choosing" them (whether or not it's an actual choice).
Hence, the same roles present a dilemma in the New World: men want to chase, and women want to be pursued. Being a gentleman is a tough job, but someone's got to do it. Men, ask a woman out and plan a real date! Don't just expect to "hang out" and definitely don't expect the woman to do the work.
Darth, what do you think about the traditional dating roles? Are changing roles scary or welcome?
-- XOXO Pistolera
My dear Pistolera, aren't you late for your daily appointment to tempt men's souls to the point of insanity? I ask because I think you'll have a better time doing that than listening to my reply!
If this were my post, I would probably have named it "New World. Same Dudes." Don't get me wrong; I get the argument and probably agree with most of it. However, I think the main point is this: women will be pursued by men who want to pursue them (and interlude in the nude - thanks Lil Cease). As I have mentioned previously, men often change their minds and their tactics constantly. Let's break down the discussion into three types of men.
The first type of guy is the maverick: they don't have a gentlemen spirit in their body. They don't need to have one because women fall at their every whim. If you had ultimate power in the art of seducing bunda without lifting a finger, would you change your tactics? Probably not. I think their view of life is independent of the woman's success. New World - Same dude.
The second type of guy is the proverbial nice guy: let's call him the "over-gentleman." He will always "do the right thing" in terms of how he treats a lady, usually to his disadvantage. Maybe it is a combination of how he was raised coupled with his love of women but again, I don't think he is affected by a woman being more successful. New World - Same dude.
The third type of guy is the wild card: he's not a true gentleman but isn't necessarily opposed to acting like one as long as the woman deserves it. These are the guys you need to be direct with to maximize your dating utility regardless of your position in life. Smart but oblivious. New World - Same dude.
And by the way, since we are dealing with a new world where I am part of a species that is dumb and poor, I'm starting an "Adopt-a-Dude" campaign with the tagline "Clothe a dude; feed a dude." Come on ladies, it's a New World out there -- educate us helpless aliens!
Ninja smoke, and I'm out....
Darth Vader Jr.
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